How do you break off
something that is only real insofar
as you recognize it?
The clue from logicians points towards
forgetting.
But the act of forgetting is impossible
insofar as it is a non-act—a function
of non-ness.
The reason we recall the things we'd
like to forget
is the same reason we cannot get that
fucking song
out of our heads.
To release a mind-thing is as difficult
as is to create one.
Falling between cracks is your
best bet:
get a new job, follow local sports
teams,
bet on said sports teams and feel
devastated when
you lose. Find hobbies that need
nothing but
seamless concentration and follow
through.
Go to conventions.
Do not get into bed to fall asleep
unless you're absolutely exhausted.
Day dream only of sex and money and
ridiculous things
like dirigible world tours and escape
artists that drown
in the shark tank and never see the air
hose to their left.
Follow the news. Become engulfed in
the news.
Become a news guru who is deep down
dying
from the phonetic idiocy of the
twenty-four hour cycle.
Regret everything, so long as you don't
think,
because thinking means remembering,
and it is not what you want.
Don't think about what you want.
Deny even wanting anything and insist
(both to yourself and others)
that you're floating placidly, even
keeled,
rolling with the waves, relaxing in the doldrums.
Don't acknowledge boredom or fear,
these are things for the weak and those
who remember.
Drink when you're in a social gathering
and it's
socially acceptable and when you're in
a social gathering
where a flask of scotch won't be
noticed and
especially when alone and not busy.
Don't be “not busy”.
Don't be “not busy”.
Funnel funds from fenced goods into an offshore account.
Take up squash.
Don't think too much about it.
Find a crevice to crawl into when hung
over.
Make this crevice comfortable.
Decorate your crevice and never let
anyone see it.
Think only when necessary, and when
the paths of your thoughts are fully
predictable.
Never picture her face.
Never look at a picture of her face.
Forget every identifying characteristic
of her face:
the tiny pink vee of gums that you see
under her upper lip when she smiles as
wide as she can
and her lips curls up a bit:
dimples in rose:
eyes that recede from a stare;
positively glimmer at a glance:
dream-like lashes and edges of incisors
somehow mythic:
corners of the lips that curl in a
frown or smile, just
how you imagine that Athena might makes
faces—
never remember these things.
Grind down your teeth while you're
sleeping
because the stress of forgetting is
intense.
Borrow a massage pillow to help with
the anxiety
of forgetting and remembering only
shallow things
that let you sleep or watch TV without
twitching
and trying not to remember.
Obsess over recycling.
Obsess over the intricacies of local
conservation efforts
or the Dow or tennis form or trying to
cry during old movies
or fingering the last corn nut without
turning the bag upside down.
Obsess about your petty obsessions.
Change everything about how you eat.
Sleep without a pillow.
Get your hair Styled and Colored by a
Professional
and when you're dissatisfied 3 days
later go back and demand a refund.
Feign outrage. Don't consider.
Don't look at old pictures because
old pictures (even if she
is not in them or even related)
will summon old memories of when you
were less old
than you are now and this is merely a
path of remembrance:
And remember: to forget is to live
without this thing
you're trying to break off, and since
it won't exist
if you don't acknowledge it
(truly) isn't this just it? Isn't this
winning? Aren't you
a bare white dish of bone laid out for
the feast
and never thinking
of the ox's hip and leg and body
you once belonged to?