ORD/DFW/MSP

Can I glide now?

Might I expedite this trip?

Does my baggage weigh too much?

May I please get on with it?

Just six more long soulless hallways, white shoes are strictly prohibited, and please check any presentiments of hope or feeling at the gate. Also no smiling at strangers, leaning in doorways, or holding hands with loved ones. No warmth please. No kindness.

Please try and do your best to observe the moral blindness. Straight ahead dead stares will be rewarded with advanced line position. And while we're on lines, form orderly lines between the lines, fall into line, line up now

Is that all then?

Are there any more instructions?

Can I board now?

Are you done with your inductions?

Please embark, now. Mind the gap and eyes straight forward. Slower steps now, leave your grace but lug your airs. Don't bother trying to recline in that plastic go-kart chair. Don't forget to roll your eyes at the stewardess as she demonstrates the proper safety belt technique.

Please put your tray table up and apathies in their full upright positions. Remember to secure your malcontent for the passengers around you before securing your child's. Now please direct your attention to the mindsucking pamphlet tucked in the seat of the tall man reclining into your knees.

Please continue to stare deadly. Now remove the flotation device from under your seat, following all directions. Insert the plastic inflatable tube into your mouth, taking care to fill your entire mouth in order to completely obstruct your airway. Once your lifejacket is secured, pull the ripcord and wait for take-off. Runway delays are expected, so please bear with us.

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